+ a beau__tiful ho___

February 29, 2008

I feel like puking -.-

Time to say goodbye.

-nIx- @ [[2:21 AM]]

February 28, 2008

Why do people always say or do things that hurt me and my feelings so much?

Why can't everything just freeze and let me off from reality for a while?

Why am I always crying myself to sleep over those matters?

Why are they the people closest to my heart?

-nIx- @ [[12:11 AM]]

February 27, 2008

Photo printing shops are a wonder. They allow you to keep pieces of memory close to your heart. A little too close maybe? And I swear they're overpriced. $1.50 for a piece.

-nIx- @ [[9:49 PM]]

I hate it when I'm so engrossed watching a show and someone talks to me, then I have to rewind and watch certain parts all over again because it can't be rewinded to that exact second. And then the same part plays all over again only to find the person talking to me once more. Thrice. Thank you so much.

Couple a bad period with a bad day. You'd get a very depressed me.

-nIx- @ [[1:18 AM]]

February 26, 2008

I should stop shopping alone because everytime I do I blast a fortune ($50+ today) and I've not even started work.

Retard. Whatever.

I just randomly feel like spilling out ~!@#$%^&* all over this place right now.

-nIx- @ [[10:22 PM]]

February 25, 2008

Happiness is..?

-nIx- @ [[11:17 PM]]

Serenity ; tanning @ Sentosa

Albeit I'm not much tanner it just felt so calming to feel the waves pushing you back and forth, hearing the gentle sea breeze, the not so scorching sun.

; i'm picking up the pieces
just because I don't feel you around, just because you left my heart broken, just because I'm not hearing from you.
Why?
I miss you sunshine, I really miss you so.

-nIx- @ [[9:13 PM]]

Watched Sky of Love with Chinese subtitles and I cried like mad. It just reminds me how I nearly cried
I know I paused and rewinded many times just to read the subtitles.when you kept telling me you're going to die.
But I understood what was said and it's really damn touching.It's just so not funny.
And I'm so glad I wasn't watching this in the theatres.
I wouldn't know what to do without you.

-nIx- @ [[4:33 AM]]

Do you knowI realy wish I had left you behind
how it feels likecuz you're always doing this to me
waking up to an empty homewithout you by my side
with no one to talk tocuz you never reply
no one to keep you companycuz you're always busy
through the lonely days?cuz I can't live without you
and my heart always aches when I don't feel you around.
You don'tknow how much I miss you

My sis just left for Oz today ( last night since it's Monday now ).

-nIx- @ [[12:41 AM]]

February 24, 2008

Lost my dream because I was abruptly awoken from slumber.I hate the way you don't acknowledge what I say sometimes.
I just feel like sleeping my life away today.

-nIx- @ [[10:27 AM]]

February 22, 2008

Once upon a time, in the cold and harsh winter weather, there was this little bird who was flying, trying to keep itself warm from all the exercise. However, the little bird was so cold that it felt it could no longer move. Soon, the bird stopped flapping its wings and drop to the ground.

Nearby, a cow heard a slight thud and decided to check the situation out. There it found the poor little bird motionless on the ground. Determined to bring it back to life, the cow defecated on the little bird.

Feeling warmer, the little bird realised it was alive. It was so elated that it started chirping merrily.

Nearby, a cat heard the bird's chirping and when it saw the little bird, the cat rubbed its paw and ate the little bird up.

Moral of the story :

1. Not everyone who get you in deep shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of deep shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep quiet!

-nIx- @ [[10:51 PM]]

I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not meant to be just because others want me to be.

So, to summarise it all, I do not intend to take up any accounting jobs, at least for now.

Go audit go! I shall continue to strive for Big 4!

-nIx- @ [[8:06 PM]]

What happened to the future I was lead to believe,
or was I just too young, too naive to be deceived?

-nIx- @ [[12:24 PM]]

While others are worrying about their studies, here I am worrying about not being able to find a job. ):

-nIx- @ [[12:10 AM]]

February 21, 2008

And once in a while I just smile and laugh at my, well, stupidity.

Don't know how I ended up like this.

I cancelled my driving test for an earlier date only to find out that I'm still overseas on the new date I've chosen and someone else took my original slot. God bless and now I have to wait 2 weeks longer than the original, which apparently is more than 3months from now.

Smart move nix.

-nIx- @ [[7:40 PM]]

February 20, 2008

Busted another $90 today but for a good cause. Walked like a mad woman carrying all those shopping bags but one very happy me.

New bedsheets and a few formal tops. I have no idea how stupid I'd look in them. I hate formal. They make me look ugly, and I look too young for them anyway.

Job searching today. Petrol company, Suntec. Shipping company, Suntec and Esprit to be sent my CV. I am really interested in the first and last. First has future, last sounds almost as promising(and I like the name!)

Lic is off to shenzhen. I miss her already..I miss my sunshine too.

-nIx- @ [[11:51 PM]]

I could barely sleep. All I did was toss and turn in bed, thinking what I should be doing when I wake up - visit my teachers, go to job agencies, etc. I tried counting to 350seconds (since they said a person takes an average of 7minutes to fall asleep). I got bored before I reached a 100 but somehow or other I managed to fall asleep only to wake up at 3am after thinking I slept for a really long time. Continued to fall in and out of sleep till about 9.30am and I received a message the very moment later.

And so the day went as planned.

lunch with ex-classmates, meeting teachers (one was surprised, the other agreed to help me with my job-seeking =D), job interviews a plenty and movie at night.

I unfortunately tried to sneak in my 3/4 unfinished cup of root beer and my whole bag got soaked in it..... and my camera died. Nevertheless the movie was really nice.

P.S. I Love You Mr Kwok aka my one and only Sunshine. I really do. (:

-nIx- @ [[2:01 AM]]

February 19, 2008

; he makes me smile in the most peculiar way

I want a job in a bank or Big 4. Anyone out there that can help me?

-nIx- @ [[12:33 AM]]

February 18, 2008

nix is elated! I am finally an ACCA graduate!

-nIx- @ [[2:13 PM]]

estd 4hrs. :s

-nIx- @ [[11:11 AM]]

February 17, 2008

15.5hrs more. will i survive through it or die?

-nIx- @ [[11:34 PM]]

eye haf a fwen hu kip korrecting mai sphellink. Here nayme ees angerick (because I type too fast and get typos I swear)

-nIx- @ [[12:12 PM]]

Long term practicality or short term happiness.

Which would you choose?

I've to admit I'm in support of practicality.. Except that my only weakness is you. I'd rather be happy and cherish the short moments when I get to see you.

-nIx- @ [[11:32 AM]]

February 16, 2008

nixnix bought the ipanema slippers!

I hope the $39.90 is well spent.

-nIx- @ [[11:49 PM]]

February 15, 2008

He makes me feel like the luckiest and happiest girl alive. I miss him already. Boohoo.
nixnix is happy today (: I'd love to just hug him and never let go

-nIx- @ [[12:02 AM]]

February 14, 2008

Happy Valentines!I get to see sunshine in 12hrs! (:
I should sleep before I get panda eyes.

-nIx- @ [[2:04 AM]]

February 13, 2008

Welcome to my world! (:

-nIx- @ [[1:26 AM]]

February 11, 2008

; sunshine makes me smile
but that makes me miss sunshine even more too

nix spent about $40 on cloth today. She thinks the price they charge is a rip off.nix felt really loved today
nix may sound like she has a really glib tongue today, but she did mean what she said.I really wanna plant you with many many kisses n hug u very tight and just not move for a few mins - sunshine
nix failed to make what she wanted with all the cloth she bought.nix wants to be your silly girl, she misses you truckloads. You're always on her mind.
But nix is still happy!

Strike me silly (:

-nIx- @ [[10:25 PM]]

There are always two options to view life ; you either feel optimistic or pessimistic

If you've got character, others may groom you.

If you don't give up, you'll get what you want someday.

Neither is wrong.

If you easily win the battle once too many, one failure will devastate you.

If you perpetually lose the battle, you may never want to venture into greater depths again.

Neither is right too.

-nIx- @ [[2:22 AM]]

February 10, 2008

As much as I hate to admit it, I really wished things would be different from what it is now. Do you know how it feels like to miss someone so badly?

-nIx- @ [[10:27 PM]]

Once again this year's CNY has proved me wrong, I did enjoy myself rather much.

Have to start my thesis soon.....

You make me happy happy happy!
(:

-nIx- @ [[12:11 AM]]

February 07, 2008

Surprisingly today went quite well for a person who can't stand shops being closed. Maybe it's just my mood. (:

-nIx- @ [[11:49 PM]]

; you missed me?you missed me.

Feeling a little bit more accompanied this Chinese New Year. I hope it's not too boring to get through these 2 days.

-nIx- @ [[12:39 AM]]

February 06, 2008

It's 2.11am on a cold Wednesday's morning. I'm drained and so very tired. I can't seem to get myself to sleep. I have to wake up in less than 5 hours. My mind's feeling restless, but I'm just so so very tired - driving, helping mum at work and getting delirious from that very though that doesn't seem to understand how much I want to leave it behind.

Sometimes I feel like I don't even know the person I used to be anymore. Just to please people, I don't feel me. But on the afterthought, perhaps I do feel happier doing so most of the time. Why?

-nIx- @ [[2:09 AM]]

February 04, 2008

Haven't been blogging somewhere else for a long long time. I ought to leave it behind me but I just can't. It hurts like crazy, it really does.And yet all it needs is just you to take it all away. When you're around, all my sadness just disappears, right up to the point just before we bid goodbye. And then I wonder, when will I see you again?
Heartstrings -tug tug- Have I not waited long enough? It's been almost 2 years and you've been constantly on my mind daily for more than 4 years.
It feels like I'm being brought into the past and I'm back to square one.When will I see you again?

-nIx- @ [[10:17 PM]]

I have successfully wasted the whole of yesterday.

1. Crying
2. Watching a little bit of Prison Break 3 till I figured out the wireless net sucked.
3. Watched Huang Jing Lu because I basically only watched the last 2 episodes and found it really interesting.

-nIx- @ [[12:48 AM]]

February 03, 2008

What's the point of living a life that's not yours? A life that's someone elses unfufilled dream? A life where you can't choose what to do or how you're going to do it?

I fucking feel like a bird stuck in a cage with no future, either way.

Is that what I want? Or is that what you've missed out on and want me to have?

At the end of the day, it all boils down to money, a basic fucking necessity we all need in life. And I still fucking hate money.

And if you think money can keep people happy and satisfied with life, fuck off. People are never satisfied with money because they all want more more MORE. They think they'd aim for their first million and just before they reach that mark, no, a million is not enough, they aim for more. They spend the money on all things unneccessary and flaunt it.

But fuck, I'm not interested in being one of them money minded freak. I don't want to be rich, I just want to be successful, I want to be known and credited for my effort. I just want to be happy.

So why are you fucking restricting me to everything I want.

I might as well give up everything, my wishes, my dreams, my happiness for yours.

You so think money can buy you happiness huh? Are you fucking happy now? No? With such a bitch like me around?

I am just loss for words. You've changed so fucking much, sometimes I don't even know who you are anymore. What is wrong with you?

In your eyes, it seems to me as if I'm the girl with no future. You don't even appreciate or acknowledge the fact that I've been studying so hard. You just want housework to be done even when you see me busy studying. I can't even study at home in peace. Every minute I'm home you just call me to do random simple jobs you are capable of completing yourself. Everyday when I come home after 14 hours of studying all you do is complain that the housework is not done, that my room is so messy. You want me to take up this, take up that, things that I find I do not need now until later in the future, I have time. I want to enjoy what little holidays I'm given, yet you say I'm afraid to learn and I never was. You once said you wouldn't compare, yet now, you keep comparing me to others, to others that are not even in my calibre, in my field, not my age, not those I'm exposed to, not at all similar to me. You are so selfish, you don't think about me, all you think for is yourself. You treat me like dirt, like I have no feelings. Am I such a burden to you?

I not a little girl anymore, I don't want to be dictated on what to do and whatnots. Don't always think just because you're older you know more, times have changed and so do circumstances. I have a mind of my own, a mind to THINK for myself.

fuck it. just leave me alone please.

-nIx- @ [[11:49 AM]]

February 02, 2008

______ makes me feel oh so happy and as if my troubles have all melted away. But how long can this last before that very strong sadness starts to pile up on me again?

Today I saw a sales assistant on the 2nd story of Bugis Village wearing a really gorgeous top and I wanted it so much I asked her where she got it from and how much. Her reply : Ground floor, $30+ but she bought it long ago and it's sold out. Jas and me really like it so we persisted on finding it. And after some time..... We found something similar and we bought it! No trying.

Then I decided to look around for a belt to match it... and some heels....

So here's the outcome...

A very short dress. But still, just as pretty.

-nIx- @ [[11:12 PM]]

Goody two shoes. nixnix needs to go to the gym more often! My mp3 wired died down on me halfway, at first only the background music was left, after some time the whole thing was gone! Hurrrrr.

-nIx- @ [[11:59 AM]]

would you end this nightmare of mine
; for real?

I had a nightmare, thankfully I was saved by a really early sms. And you.. just give me a sense of tranquility, yet at times the exact opposite. I miss you crazy but I don't know whether my heart can take the fall again.

-nIx- @ [[12:39 AM]]

February 01, 2008

I loved you but my heart got broken along the way. I wanted to leave your memories of you behind for 08, but after today, I'm not very sure how, or why. My brain's telling me to move on, my heart's confused and she's telling me not to get fooled again.

And yet, I'm finding myself missing you like crazy.

I'm happy that you called, I'm sad because I know it won't last forever. I'm confused because I don't know what to do now.

I am going to Malaysia today.

-nIx- @ [[12:49 AM]]